I haven't blogged in months because I'm terrible like that, and some of you fine folks are still reading my blog posts. Thank you. It makes coming back to the blog a treat.
I totally thought blogging with two kids wouldn't be that hard. Ha!
"I have a Blogger app on my tablet," I thought in telling myself I'd actually make a go of this whole blogging thing. Yeah, I hate typing on my tablet. I use it mostly to browse Twitter and Pinterest - sometimes Facebook (but I hated the app so now have to browse it in Chrome and let me tell you, that sucks to do on a tablet).
I am coming back to the blog tonight because I need to write. I need to do something with my brain beyond think about poopy diapers and whether my son has napped enough and what we should have for dinner (I despise meal planning).
I also want to write because something happened recently that made me realize if I couldn't write, I'd be lost in the world.
I got laid off earlier this month. It's totally legit - not a "you're a mother and we hate you" kind of thing, more a "your entire desk doesn't fit in with our new vision" so everyone got the boot kind of thing.
But man does it suck.
I don't blame the company. They gotz to make money and the job I was doing was being duplicated by an outside source - no point getting the same thing from two sources. I get it. I totally do. And the company is being super decent to those of us they let go.
Being laid off when on maternity leave sucks, though. Some people have said it's great I didn't get called into the boardroom with my colleagues and told the news there, but I disagree. Instead, I found out when my boss called me while I was driving home from a trip to visit my parents. He didn't want to tell me while I was driving, but as soon as he said, "I don't want to tell you while you're driving," the jig was up. We had had our suspicious it was a possibility, but we were kidding ourselves into believing it wouldn't happen.
I wish I had been alongside my coworkers for the meeting because then we'd be able to commiserate in person. Instead, I relied on email and Google chat to convey my "this effing sucks" comments to them.
It's also completely surreal. I was already off on mat leave, so to now be officially laid off really doesn't change anything, but it does because come November when I'm due to go back to work, I'm ... not.
I also find myself feeling pangs of, err, something. I worked at a news wire desk, so we were always trying to stay on top of the news, particularly breaking news, oddities and good health stories. So sometimes when I see stories show up in my Twitter feed, I think, "I should see if the desk knows about this." I still do this on a daily basis and every time I do I then think, "Oh yeah. Nevermind."
I am also so sad that the team I worked with has been benched. It is not often you work with people you love, but I not only loved my job, but my coworkers. They were family. Sure, some days we got along better than others, but that's what families do. Some days I love talking to my sister. Other days, not so much. But in the end, we're still there for each other. And I am going to miss my coworkers so, so, so much.
But then I have fun days with my two children and I forget my work woes for a while. Some have suggested maybe I just don't go back to work. Financially that's not really an option (because I do want to be able to travel with the wee ones and eat something other than KD), but even if it was, I want to go back. I feel like I'm my best me when I'm working, exercising my brain daily on interesting tasks (like editing, writing), and then coming home and doing my family thing - dinner, playtime and the bedtime routine.
So anyway, all of that is to say I need to get back to writing. I need an outlet and even if no one is here reading it (although Google analytics tells me otherwise), I have just got to write.